Answers to Anons | Trigger Warning: diet talk, eating disorders, self hate, etc.
Answer: Wow, I’m glad that this blog has been a part of your journey to self-acceptance and recovery. Sometimes it can be hard, but I think you’re definitely on the right track.
Answer: I’m sorrrryyy! Please forgive me. My internship is very exhausting but I have more time, so I’ll be on everyday.
Answer: Honestly, there’s no right or wrong way to define yourself. Whatever you label yourself, own it. You can be a powerful fat femme. Because being a powerful, fat femme is something that is so inclusive. It’s inclusive to many forms of expression and looks.
Answer: I know that shit had to hurt, yo. I wish I could take that experience away from you. Just know that you’re not responsible for the ignorance of others. No offense, but your uncle is a complete fucking asshole. No, you know what? Full offense to your uncle. You are a being with worth and value and he should treat you as such.
Answer: Lol did you read this as you typed it? You are probably one of the most illogical anons I’ve ever received. Your “argument” is so incomprehensible, I find it hard to even form an answer lol. Society IS the problem because members of society demonize and shame bodies. It’s actually that simple. Shut the fuck up, yo.
Answer: Try to remember all those things that made you love your body before. Erase all the negative shit from your mind and your life. Bodies are fluid and come in many shapes and sizes. Yours is unique and beautiful. If you don’t let the negative shit go, you’ll never be happy. And you’re doing yourself a disservice. Your boyfriend as well. Remember what RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, then how the hell can you love somebody else?”
Answer: You should never be made to feel bad for being you. I’m glad that you’ve found some sort of inspiration to remind you to love yourself.
Answer: I’m glad this blog is of help. I wish you well on your way to self acceptance :)
This blog is for people of all sizes, so of course you can.
Answer: No need to apologize! I’m glad you understand the intent behind this blog.
Answer: I completely agree. That’s why I created this blog. I made this blog inclusive to all sizes, races, genders, non-genders because we all have problems with our bodies.
Answer: Of course you can :)
TW: Eating Disorder | Binge resources
Shared Story: Total. Meltdown. [TW: body shaming, anger]
Submitted by the-wordnerd
While getting reading to leave the house, I was hoping to wear a pair of jeans. I’ve grown out of all of my jeans unless I wear my shapewear underneath. For the life of me, I could NOT find that damned shapewear. Not in the laundry basket, not on my shelves, not with the clothes I wore it with last, not in the fucking pile of shit I throw on my floor when I’m too lazy to do anything else - NOWHERE.
Enter the breakdown.
I yelled a little, swore a lot. I tried to force myself into my jeans but couldn’t stand the pain. I angrily and far too rudely asked my girlfriend what she had done with it, and when the answer was not satisfactory, I repeated the same thing to my mother. Still no shapewear. So, next step? I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I fucking bawled.
Was I crying because I had lost a pair of old, stained, torn, stretched out shapewear? No. But, that was the very last straw. I had let myself go. For so long I’d maintained a consistent weight and body shape and size, and now that is changing. I’m slowly outgrowing my size 18/20 body and I’m not dealing with it well. When I first noticed, I purchased yoga wear and leggings and had been living quite comfortably in those until now.
This whole thing put me back in a state of self hate. Not because I completely dislike my fat body, but because I’d let myself do something to myself that I did not want - Something that I’m really not happy about.
I went out and bought another shapewear. After I put it on I realised something: This piece of material might smooth and tuck the bits that I’m uncomfortable with, it might minimize the roll over the top of my jeans, but that’s all it is - just a piece of material.
I will continue to wear it. Why? Because it helps me to hold my head up just a little bit higher. But I’m aware that my body remains what it is. I’m fat. And I’m cute. And if it takes a meltdown and a $40 pair of undies that I have to sweat to get into for me to realize that, then OK
Answers to anons [t.w: depression, diet talk, body shaming, health]
Answer: Regardless if you’re religious or not, saying positive, affirming things to yourself in the mirror is helpful. Thanks, anon.
Answer: Isolate the problem. Get to the root cause of why you feel ashamed of your body. Once you isolate the problem, solve it. Is it the negative stigma attached to fatness? Because those stigmas are wrong. No matter what the root cause of your negative perception is, it can be solved by talking, learning and deconstructing. I know people can be mean and say hurtful things, but don’t stop that from letting you take care of your body. Stop letting them police your body.Take control of your life and your body.
Answer: I’m sorry. I don’t know. And I don’t really give dieting advice on this blog. I’m sure Google would be of help.
Answers to anons [t.w: depression, diet talk, body shaming, health]
Answer: Just shop. Don’t worry about rules that dictate what you can or cannot wear at your size. If you see something that you like and it feels good on your body, buy it and wear it. Wear that garment with confidence because it’s your right to. Don’t avoid any patterns, shapes, colors, or styles because some “expert” told you it wasn’t for you. I avoided horizontal stripes for years because someone told me it wasn’t for me. And when I finally let go of bullshit and began to love my body, I realized I look like a BOSS in horizontal stripes. Just experiment and see what you like. Don’t restrict yourself.
Answer: Stop bullying yourself for starters. You are not a whale.
Answer: I honestly cannot answer that. It’s different for a lot of people. My mother has DD breasts. When she lost weight, her breasts stayed the same size. For my cousin, she went down a whole cup size. It depends on how your body reacts to the type of diet regimen you’re on. If it’s really important to you, consult a reputable physician or dietitian.
Answer: Ah, those guys seem nice. You can drink in bars at age 16 in the UK?
Answer: It always seems impossible at first especially when you’ve been taught from the very beginning that you’re only valued for your body. Let go of it. Take all of that hurt and pain and throw it away. The source of that pain is the bullshit society that we live in. Those people who taught you to hate yourself and tell you aren’t beautiful are WRONG. They. Are. Wrong. It may seem that the solution to your pain would be to just change yourself, but would that really make you happy? No, It wouldn’t. Would that erase the pain and hurt you’ve experienced? No. It won’t. Embrace yourself. You’re unique, one of a kind and absolutely beautiful. Tell yourself that every fucking day because it’s the truth.
Answer: I’m glad you’re not letting negative perceptions get you down! Thanks for the kind words and support.
Answers to anons [t.w: diet talk, body shaming, health]
Answer: Those boys who either ignore you or objectify and sexualize your body are fucking assholes and need to go fuck themselves. You don’t want to settle for those type of guys. I know it sucks waiting, but you have to be patient. The right person of quality is always out there. Until you find him, learn to love yourself as you are before you attempt to change your body. Dieting is fine. But before you do that, acknowledge the fact that your body is unique and wonderful in it’s own right. Also, you don’t need a romantic partner to feel validated. You can do that on your own.
Answer: It sucks to be treated that way by people and it has to hurt even more when it is your own family. The fact that it is your family doesn’t change the fact that they should be treating you with respect. I am infuriated to hear that you’ve been treated in such a manner. First of all, you need to acknowledge that they are wrong. You are not a beast. You are not a cow. You are more than those awful things they call you. You are more than your weight. You are more than your appearance. You are a human being with worth. Secondly, assert to them that your body is none of their goddamned business. As family, they might claim to be concerned, but let them know it is not about how you look. It’s about how you feel. And as long as you feel well, they should leave you alone. Tell them that. When they make fun of you, you have two options: a.) tell them to fuck off and that your body is none of their concern. Sometimes you have to tell this to family members or b.) ignore them and silently acknowledge the fact that you are beautiful and they are ignorant. I hope this advice helps.
Shared Story: [T.W. suicide, body shame, self harm etc.]
I almost took my own life in senior year because I was harassed for my weight. But I’m so glad I survived. I don’t know how I did it, but I taught myself to love myself. I undid most of the damage (thought I admit, some of it will always be internalized) and I realized that I am so much better than my attackers. Now I’m in college with a full scholarship, making straight A’s, about to be on the Dean’s list for my second consecutive term. I take comfort in knowing the very kids who bullied me are going to make me rich some day, and the same boys who turned me down are going to kick themselves.
Submitted by summer-nightlock! Thanks for sharing!
Shared Story: My Depression and how my family, friends, & 1D keep me strong. [t.w. self harm, depression, body shaming etc]
My name is Jessica Yourman. I am 18 years old, turning 19 on March 20, 2012. And right now, I am so bottled up with emotions that I can’t take a shower without falling to the ground and crying. I have decided to share my story with my followers here on Tumblr. Not because I want attention, but because I want to reach out to others who are struggling with depression. Everything that you read is the truth. Judge me if you want, I do not care.
I have always been a shy girl. All throughout elementary school, intermediate school, and high school. In 5th grade, I was introduced to Hannah Traylor. I met several new friends through Hannah. Hannah was my best friend up until our senior year of high school. I don’t know where our friendship went wrong, but we started drifting apart. I would always talk to my other best friend, Amber Vance, about my emotions. But then I started to drift away from her too. I became depressed.
I started hanging out with Jessica Dale, one of my friends I met through Hannah, a lot more. We became instant best friends. She was always there when I needed to talk to someone and I told her all of my darkest secrets. She is basically my sister.
During Spring Break 2011, Amber, Hannah, Austin, and Kyla all went down to Panama City Beach, Florida. While we were there, I met an amazing guy. His name was Matt Lee. I spent four hours on the beach, almost every night we were down there, just talking to him. I have always suffered from low self-esteem and I have never felt pretty, but when I was with him I felt beautiful. Every other week I would go down to PCB to visit him and when I wasn’t down there with him, I was always texting him. I knew that I was becoming too clingy, but I couldn’t help it. When I was home in Alabama, I felt so depressed, but when I was with him all of my worries went away. As we drifted apart I became depressed again. I would get home from work and go straight to sleep because I didn’t want to deal with life. I loved to sleep because I felt like my dreams were better than reality. I missed hanging out with Matt, I missed feeling beautiful.
My parents are amazing. I love them to death and I would do anything for them. They have always made sure to give my brother and I everything we want and they made sure we are happy. But the truth is, money can’t buy happiness. Growing up, I was basically known as the “spoiled, happy, shy girl” when in reality I was the “sad, depressed girl.” I knew how to fake smile and make people think everything was okay. When in reality, I just wanted to go straight to my bed and sleep my life away.
Now, enough with the past and more about the present;
My name is Jessica Yourman. I am 18 years old, turning 19 on March 20, 2012.
Two days ago my best friend told me she was possibly moving to Florida. She was in Florida (on vacation) when she sent me the text message, she had been in Florida since Thursday. When I read her text message, I almost started to cry. She is my closest friend and I though that if she moved, I would have no one left. It was my own fault though, I had drifted away from my other friends. My parents even commented about how I never hang out with anyone except her. The truth is, I feel like her and Amber are my only friends. I know it’s true. I feel like I have no one. So, after reading her text message, I went to take a hot shower to try and relieve stress. While I was in the shower, I started thing about my life. My friendship with Hannah, my friendship with Amber, my friendship with everyone, my family, my school work, my college classmates, my grades, my future, and myself. I squatted down in the shower and covered my face with my hands to muffle my sobs. I felt pitiful. I felt pitiful for having no friends, I felt like I was just an anchor to everyone. I was just weighing them down. I felt like no one cared about my feelings. I had never felt so alone. After sitting in the shower for almost an hour, I started thinking about how I just wanted the stress to go away. I did not want to kill myself, I would never do that. I am not suicidal. But I did want to make the emotional pain stop. I decided that physical pain would stop the emotional pain. I grabbed the closest thing to me, which was a pair of tweezers. I began to dig the tip of the tweezers into the top of my thigh. I felt like it just wasn’t working, so I grabbed my razor that I use to shave my legs with and I broke the plastic handle off. I was able to get one of the razors free from the shaver. I proceeded to drag it across my thigh, making an inch long cut. Then I made another inch long cut. I made three marks on my skin. One with tweezers and two with a razor. One was to relieve the pain about my friends, one was to relieve the pain about my family, and the other was to relieve the pain about myself. The second cut was bleeding a little bit more than the other so I got out of the shower and covered them up with tissue. After they bleeding stopped, I got dressed and went to tell my parents that I was going to bed. I laid in bed and cried because I felt so ashamed that I harmed myself. I felt disgusting. I decided to text Matt and tell him. He has always been there to listen to me, even if we don’t see each other face to face. He talked me through it and I decided to Skype Jessica D. While I was talking to her, I was contemplating telling her about what I did. I decided not to because I did not want her to think it was her fault. She still does not know. Only three people know -Matt, Amber, and my friend, Michaela King.
After talking to Matt, I realized that I never want to harm myself in any way, ever again. I believe that I just hit a rough patch in my life, but Matt helped me see through it. <3 He reminded me that God is amazing. When I told him that I felt like I was so alone, he replied, “You are never alone. Ever. As long as you have a hand to reach out, you will always have someone to grab on to it and pull you up.” I honestly believe that God sent me a guardian angel.
Today, I was driving home from class and I started listening to the song, “Moments” by One Direction. When I heard the chorus, I started to cry because I felt as though God was sending me a message.
I hope that other realize that they too are never alone. I may still be feeling depressed, but I know that God is watching over me. I know that he will always be there for me, no matter what.
I love my life and I would not change it for anything. I love my family and friends to death and I would do anything for them.
My goals for this year is to be faithful, strong, loving, beautiful and confident. I also plan to write One Direction and tell them that their album is one of the things that keeps me staying strong and it makes me feel beautiful everyday. <3
God bless. <3
Thank you for reading.
Jessica Yourman. XOXO
P.s. I am sorry if there are any misspelled words or any confusing things in my post.
Reblog if you want, I do not mind.
I want to spread a message to everyone who is feeling down.
You are beautiful no matter what. Do not let the stress of today cause you to take away your tomorrow. <3
submitted by thatkidjessica! Thanks!
Shared Story: [T.W. body shaming, diet talk, self harm, body hate]
I’m a little afraid to put this up here, but I’m going to do it anyways. It’s going to be long, but bear with me.
I’ve been fat… forever lol. Since I hit puberty. I just sort of filled out everywhere, except my butt, which oddly enough is the one place I wish I had filled out! But anyways, I live in a very “fat conscious” family. “Don’t eat that, you’ll get fat.” “You look like you’ve gained weight, you should stop eating.” “Bread will only make you fatter.” “Look at those 500 pound people on TV. You’re going to get like that if you don’t stop eating.” My friends, too. “Man, I need to lose weight, I’m going to get fat.” “I’ve eaten so much, I have to stop.” “God, I’m so fat.” “I should start exercising.” “Just one more pound to go!”
Of course, time and time again, I let that get to me. I would force myself to stop eating. I cut the word fat into my stomach. I was always depressed. I was afraid to eat around my family, my friends, and love interests. Sometimes I would even be ashamed to eat alone, constantly telling myself, “Look at you, you’re so fat and disgusting.”
I didn’t even like myself. Honest to God, there’s was a time there where I absolutely hated myself. I didn’t even want to look in the mirror because I would automatically start seeing my flaws and cry because I felt, then, that I was such a disgusting human. And everyone made it clear. My family especially. Even though they’ll say, “It’s for her health.”
Well the reason I’m sharing this is because of what happened last night, February 14. I had eaten a lot that day. My boyfriend made me dinner! And we celebrated Valentine’s Day together. I was happy, and full of warm feelings, but my ever-constant brain nagging was telling me to stop eating so much. So I grabbed a very small bite of a cake my niece had made. It was strawberry, and I hadn’t eaten any of it, so since I had a huge dinner, I figured a small spoonful wouldn’t hurt anyone. Of course, my sister, chose that specific moment to say, “Stop eating that cake.” And I felt it, that stinging slap of shame. I knew it was gonna bother me again, but fuck her, not this time. “Why?” I said. She stopped for a second, “Because it’s fattening.” I looked her in the eye and said, “If being skinny means I don’t get to eat cake, then I’d rather be fat forever.” As I put the cake in my mouth and chewed. “Alright, jeez, calm down.” She said, as if she wasn’t being hurtful. As if she could just sit there and tell me what to do with my body, my food, and my life.
You know, it’s funny. I’m always being commented on my weight, and how it’s unhealthy. But I’m not the only one in my family on the larger scale of the spectrum, my sisters are just shorter than me. Yet when it comes to things around the house, “Hey, can you lift this?” “Hey, this is heavy, can you do it?” “Hey I can’t move this, it’s too heavy.” I’m always the one who can move things around. I can run, jump, play games with my nieces and nephews, I can work 8 hour shifts at work standing, bending and moving around without breaking a sweat. I can do all these things, yet I’m the unhealthy one. I’m the one who should watch my weight.
I’ve been picked on. People have shouted, “FAT ASS” at me as I walked by. One group of guys saw me walk by and said, “Too many hamburgers.” It hurts, and it stings, and it’s so degrading. It almost makes you feel like some kind of animal, and for a while there, that’s how I felt. But I know I’m not. I know I have every right to walk down a street and not fear that someone will have something negative to say.
Anyways, I’d just like to say thanks to all the people on here, all the people who believe in Fat Acceptance, and all the brave people who constantly force the world to look at them like human beings with feelings. You’re an inspiration. You make it easy to love myself again. Some days it’s hard, but there are a wonderful amount of days that I can, very easily, smile.
Submitted by thedrunkenwarrior ! Thank you!
Shared Story: Learning to Love myself again [TW. diet talk, body shaming etc.]
I have posted a story on here before about me loving myself but soon after that things started to change. One day my friend (Maggie) and I were walking to class and we were taking about how other people where losing weight and looking good. She brings me into it, the subject of me losing weight. She asked in the most nicest way she could “Why don’t you want to lose weight?” And without having to think about it i said proudly “Because, I am totally happy and love myself, as I am” then she said “But my aunt was like you when she was our age (16) and she died.”
At this time was i not only thinking 1) I’m sorry, but it was your aunt. 2) I will not change, I love myself. and 3) Where is this conversation going?!
She said i should try to lose weight and I blew it off, thinking whatever. I don’t know what happen that made me take it to heart. I soon basically almost stop eating and drinking slim-fast. I started to hate the way i looked, i didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror. I became so insure! I walked with my head down shoulder slumbed, purely HATED MYSELF. When my dad and brother went to burger king, i only ate a small burger or sometimes nothing. and I hated it i missed eating a Whopper!
This kept going for about a month, Then one day in geometry we were studying Polygons and pentagons and my teacher (Mr. Jope) said “You know what I like about Geometry?” no one answered, he started again, “Not only do we learn the angle measurements of polygons but it teaches us something new, anyone want to guess what?” no one answered again. then he looked at me, smiled and said “It teaches us that you don’t have to be stick thin to be beautiful, or miss texas. You can be fat and still perfect, like the square its chubby, but still perfect. Do you agree?” some boys nodded and some girls also and one of my other friends(Katy) said “Agree all the way” and smiled at me. Then my teacher said “I hate how everyone thinks you have to be skinny to be pretty, i don’t believe in that, you can be chubby or fat and look pretty and be Miss Texas.” That make me feel start to feel better about myself, its like he knew how i felt or something, so i said “Fuck the diet and fuck the bullshit that I toke and fuck what people think thats wrong with me. I want A whopper, I went home and that night I has a whopper, It never tasted so good.
So to all the girls that are struggling with weight or not being able to love themselves. I’m here, talk to me. Been there, made it through, YOUR BEAUTIFUL, it society thats fucked up. <3 Stay strong :D
Submitted by callmemaee! Thanks!
Answer to anon [t.w: eating disorders, body shaming, health]
- Answer: First, realize that relapsing is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens a lot, more often than not. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Because bulimia is such a serious disorder, I think you should seek medical or therapeutic help. I know that some people don’t have access to that help, so in the meantime, I think you should target the root of your disorder. Once you isolate the problem, you’ll have a greater chance of solving it better. Use that as a tool to figure out how to combat those emotional triggers that lead you to abusing food. A lot of eating disorders are a result of some sort of societal pressure or trauma. Society is ridiculous and fucked up. There are these false beauty and body standards upheld by society that not everyone meets. It’s okay if you don’t meet those standards. It’s okay. You’re fine. Your body is fine the way it is. Not everyone will agree, but that’s okay as well. Bodies are complex and no two bodies are the same. Yours is unique, amazing, and marvelous! Appreciate its differences. Ignoring body shamers and treating your body lovingly has amazing results. Conforming to something you’re not is not worth the damaging effects to your body or your mind. I hope this all helps :)
Answers to anons [t.w: eating disorders, diet talk, body shaming, health]
Anonymous asked you: I have just recently discovered this whole new perspective of accepting myself instead of trying to change. But I think the hardest part for me is that deep inside, I still wish to be accepted by all the “pretty and popular people”. I never realized how powerful society’s standards were… There is still a long way to go.. challenging all those beliefs that I learned in the past 20 years. Fuck you, mainstream media, you brainwashed me :(
- Answer: I’m glad you’re on the right path. Don’t worry about being accepted by others because you are enough.
- Answer: I focus on ‘fat’ as a concept because people of all sizes have had it used as an insult against them. I like to think that this blog and the messages I post are inclusive to all people.
- Answer: I wish I did know of a blog that helps with your specific issue and I hope my followers can help me out with finding you one. See here’s the thing, society is so incredibly fucked up that body-shaming has morphed into this giant fuck-fuck monstrosity. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. Let me repeat: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Let them think what they will, because they will think those things regardless. Live your life. Thrive in your body. You know who you are. Only you know your body’s truth. And that is the only thing that matters.
Anonymous asked you: For the past two months or so I have been in recovery, recovery from bulimia to be specific. Some days I feel great towards my body, and other days I will constantly put myself down. I have always been the chubbier girl, with wide hips adn a fuller figure all around. I suppose my question would be,” How can I boost my confidence on a daily basis? How can I learn, really learn to love how I look?” Thats about the best way I can put it. any help would be greatly apprciated.
- Answer: 1.) Never compare yourself to others. No two bodies are alike. Yours is fine. When you stop comparing yourself to others, you’ll feel better. 2.) Surround yourself with positive people. If someone puts you down because of your body, tell them to fuck off. 3.) Stop thinking of your body negatively. Speak kindly to it. It is not flawed or broken. It it complex, unique and wonderful. I hope those things help :)